I grew up around women obsessing over and degrading how they looked—their weight, shape, clothing, hair, makeup, wrinkles, cellulite, and the list went on (not to mention the comments on what everyone else was doing and how they were looking).
I was seven when I started internalizing these body-shaming comments and some of these thoughts still lurk in my psyche.
When I was eight years old, I saw Sinead O’Connor’s shaved head in the Nothing Compares 2 U music video. I fell in love with how free she looked. Ani DiFranco’s Like I Said album cover moved me in the same way. They were powerful and beautiful.
At 16 years old, I got my first pixie cut. I cut it again at 23 (the first time I got sober) and most recently at 38 years old (my second, ongoing attempt at sober living).
Today, I walked into the rooms of a new-to-me 12-step program—Al-Anon. (Yes, it’s an anonymous program of recovery, but I am open about my recovery through AA and now through Al-Anon.)
After the meeting, I came across an article by
: Why I Cut Off All My Hair. I had already noticed her buzzed crown and I wanted it for myself, but I was scared to do it. I think there are many reasons why, but at the core was something I talked to and Dan Keck about in our most recent podcast conversation (you can check it out below).
I’m still living my life to a certain extent based on my desire to please others. My hair length included.
15 minutes after reading Elizabeth’s story, I was in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and I just started snipping away. I didn’t have a lot to begin with, but I’d been hanging on to some longer pieces on top.
My hair was fussy and distracting and I just didn’t want to think about it or spend time managing it anymore. I wanted to think about other things!
I asked my family if they wanted to help me finish the buzzcut and they were all in. I wanted them to know they can have any kind of haircut (or fill-in-the-blank) they want—not based on what they think others will think, but based on what brings them joy.
It’s just hair. And it’s also not just hair. Everything is connected. Hair, recovery, healing, and relationships—with others, but mainly with ourselves.
xo, Corinne
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