In my podcast conversation with Tammi and Dan this evening, we began by discussing life over the past six weeks. (Thank you both for being amazing listeners and friends!) I shared about the return of anxiety that had been creeping in and gaining strength, and how it has begun to transform into a burst of creativity over the past three days in Nice.
August was a whirlwind—filled with reunions, travel, loss, and caretaking. These experiences, while enriching, also stirred up long-dormant anxiety. Feelings I hadn't encountered in over a decade surfaced, manifesting as physical symptoms like stomach aches and sleepless nights.
The emotional build-up reached its peak during a red-eye flight to France. Cue a full-blown panic attack, sleep deprivation, and physical discomfort in window seat 27A.
Surprisingly, upon landing, there was an immediate shift. The following two days in Nice with Tammi were smooth and carefree. Then came my second night. I thought I'd dodged jet lag—how wrong I was!
During my sleepless night, I tossed and turned as the anxiety crept back. Around 4 AM, I abandoned hope of sleep and turned to a podcast featuring Whitney Cummings—I'd seen an intriguing clip on Instagram. The first half-hour didn't captivate me, but then Whitney delved into codependency.
She shared a couple of helpful definitions of codependency:
“…the inability to tolerate the discomfort of others or the perceived discomfort.”
In codependence, “…you're getting your emotional needs met through another person, whereas interdependent means you're getting your own emotional needs met internally.”
Her discussion on Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) and codependency resonated deeply, revealing that although I've made progress, I've still got work to do. Listening to the podcast conversation on codependency and ACA (starting at about 30 minutes in) led to further discussion with Tammi and Dan about personal growth, authenticity, and the layers of recovery.
Dan shared an interesting perspective on anxiety, suggesting that instead of viewing it as something terrible to push away, we could see it as an opportunity—a signal that there's something we need to pay attention to. This resonated with Tammi's experiences, and she reminded us of Rob Bell's concept of the "South Star"—the idea that our challenges can serve as a compass, guiding us towards areas of needed growth and healing.
Tammi shared how in the past, she's used various coping mechanisms to numb out or ignore these signals—whether it was drinking, indulging in comfort food, or binge-watching TV shows. But now, with sobriety and increased self-awareness, she's learning to listen to these signals and use them as catalysts for positive change.
The conversation touched on the misconception that once we address our most glaring issues, everything will be "fixed."
In reality, personal growth is an ongoing journey of uncovering new layers, each more subtle than the last. It's not about becoming "personal development robots," but rather about continually striving for authenticity and self-understanding.
As we wrapped up our discussion, I felt grateful for opportunities like this to explore these deep, transformative ideas with a supportive community. The anxiety that had plagued me earlier began to feel less like a burden and more like a signpost, pointing the way toward further growth and self-discovery.
xo,
Corinne
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